What to do when life partners let themselves go...
If
you have been watching the news lately, I am sure that you have heard
of the "Obesity Epidemic". Marriages are not immune to the effects of
this issue and myfatspouse.org is here to help you sort through it.
Telling
a spouse to lose weight is a very delicate and tricky job. But before
you start buying gym memberships, you must first bring up the subject.
Consider this first. The odds are against you. Attempting to change a
wife or husband's behavior ranks up there with, "let's invade Russia",
on the stupid idea list. Your attempt may very well backfire, and it is
entirely likely that you will end up with an angry and fat spouse.
You Are Not A Jerk or a Nag!
A
lot of effort has gone into making sure that no one is allowed to
question the fact that their wife or husband has become fat. Everyone
who speaks up on an internet forum is quickly beaten down. When reading
these posts and articles, it is obvious that many people are desperate
and will imply that a spouse that questions his wife or husbands weight
is calloused, insensitive, non loving, and even abusive.
Are You an Enabler?
You
would have to be living in an isolated cabin in Montana not to have
heard of the term "enabler". Basically an enabler is a person that
allows another person, in a relationship, to continue with destructive
behaviors by covering for them, and helping them out of bad situations
caused by their poor judgment. While we typically think of the terms
"co-dependency" and "enabler" as terms in dealing with chemical
dependencies, it can apply equally to the "fat spouse" situation.
Denial
Denial
is a psychological defense mechanism that a person may exhibit, as a
way to avoid confronting uncomfortable realities. Often we hear of this
mechanism in relationship to death or someone dealing with a substance
abuse issue. Denial can apply to the Fat Spouse situation as well. It
is not at all uncommon for the fat spouse to practice denial as a way
to avoid coming to terms with their weight and doing anything about it.
Excuses
It
is no coincidence as excuse making has become more and more acceptable;
the waist lines of Americans have spiraled out of control. These days,
a simple excuse is considered "just as good" as achieving success. It
seems that no one is responsible for the results of their actions, or
in these cases their failure to act! The excuses for gaining weight,
and not exercising, or eating right, have grown in proportion to our
bellies and thighs.
Acceptance
How
to tell if your spouse really accepts him or herself - and if he or she
doesn't, how do you bring the subject up? Frustrated spouses post on
this site because they don't get support elsewhere. A common complaint
seems to be that they are "flamed," or attacked for their attitudes,
and told that they should "accept your spouse as he/she is." Accepting
people for who they are is a good thing to do, yes. But does your
spouse accept herself as she is? If not, should you be expected to do
so?
Why was this website created?
This
site was originally created by a musclehead named Chris to act as a
counter balance to the hysterical reactions that wives and husbands get
when they consult the internet about their spouses being over fat. I
can't tell you what happened to Chris or the old site, but I can tell
you hundreds of people found refuge there and in the forum he set up.
My aim is to provide same resource and support right here. I hope
you'll come back often, visit the forum, e-mail your suggestions and
lend your bellows to the smoldering embers of our common cause. |
My Fat Spouse on the World Wide Web
